Posts made in April, 2012

The Hill

Posted by on Apr 16, 2012 in Mental Health | 0 comments

The Hill









20120411-200357.jpgThis hill is at the very end of the course I run in the mornings.  I know it doesn’t look huge, but it’s a long uphill climb at a point in the run when I’m also tired. Plus, my picture doesn’t do it justice. Plus, I’m not just running straight uphill, I’m also pushing a 35 pound double jog stroller with 60 pounds of child, 20 pounds of free weights, and a ton of animal crackers. The hill seems huge to me.

Anyway, this morning when I rounded the corner and saw the hill looming ahead of me, I got this picture of the metaphorical life hill I’m climbing. I’ve been climbing it for some time and I’m exhausted. It seems to just keep going and going, it doesn’t give at all in the face of my exhaustion and weakness. I’m lugging a heavy load on the way, a combination of other problems, unrealistic expectations for myself as a mother, and a sense of being isolated in a circumstance that I can’t really talk to anyone about.

And then I increase my speed and push harder.   Because if I can push my heavy load up that actual hill, give up weakness and pull strength from somewhere, and find the exhilaration in the climb, then maybe I can do it on my metaphorical hill too.   At least I’ll know I have it in me.

On the other side I get to relax and coast down hill. It feels amazing.   I’m finished and I did what I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to do.   I’m reminded that every tough uphill climb has an exhilarating recovery on the other side that I get to enjoy in newfound strength and awareness of what I’m capable of conquering.  And I’m excited that that hard thing I pushed through made me stronger.


Plan B

Posted by on Apr 12, 2012 in Bug & Bear, Mental Health | 0 comments

Plan B

A couple months ago I weaned my second child from nursing and had the realization that I have been pregnant or nursing for the better part of the past four years.  I know that for some women that has little or no impact on their fitness level, but for this woman it means a looooot of taking it easy.  I’m just of the mind that pregnancy and nursing require so much physical and psychic energy in and of themselves that asking my body to do much else on top of that would be terribly unfair.  But when I’m not pregnant or nursing, working out is incredibly important to me.  For me, physical strength, emotional strength, and spiritual strength are all inextricably tied together.

So I weaned my second child and realized I was ready to get back into my fitness routine.  I headed down to the gym with my little ladies in tow to see what I needed to do to reinstate my membership, which has been on hold for most of the past four years while my poor tired body sustained life.  It didn’t take long to realize that the gym was not going to be an option.  First of all, a membership plus child care is expensive!  But the major obstacle seemed to be my sweet Bear, who strongly resists being dropped off anywhere.  While Bug ran through the child care tour screaming, “I LOVE MY NEW GYM!  Can I stay, mommy?  Pleeeeaaaaasse??” Bear clung violently to my shirt and howled at the top of her lungs while giant tears streamed down her face.  “Ummm…so how do you handle a child who cries while she’s here?” I nervously asked nice gym lady.  Nice gym lady replied, “We give it about 10 minutes and then come get you if we can’t settle her.”  The sad realization that I would pay more than I could afford each month yet never be able to work out more than 10 minutes at a time hit me and I decided to find a Plan B.

To my surprise, Plan B unfolded nicely.  I realized that I could recreate my regular gym workout – 30 minutes of interval cardio followed by 20-30 minutes of weights – outside with Bug and Bear in tow.  All I need is my jogging stroller, snacks for the girls, some free weights, and a complete lack of shame.  The lack of shame is because half of this workout requires me to look a little cray cray in a public  park, but ya do what ya gotta do.  So the girls happily eat their morning snack in the stroller while I run, then they play in the park while I watch them and do my weight workout.  Then we all play together.  Turns out, I love it.  It is much more challenging than doing the same workout in a gym, but it goes by much more quickly because I’m outside.  And because answering a 3 year old’s thought provoking questions about everything under the sun while I reach anaerobic threshold makes my head spin so fast that I lose all track of time.

While I do my weight workout, the girls busy themselves picking flowers, hunting bugs, and running around like banshees.


Hunting bugs


Caught one! A roly poly



Picking flowers










My absolute favorite part of this is when the girls join in the post workout stretch.  It’s just really adorable to see a 1 year old do a calf stretch while my 3 year old releases all the tension in her hamstrings.




If you are a mom, then you know it can feel so impossible to find the time and lose the guilt to do the simplest of things for yourself.  I have gradually come to realize that there’s not much I do that can’t include my girls, and they get into participating in working out, cooking, praying, etc., and they learn.  I need time away too, but it’s just not always an option.  For me, this workout struck a balance between taking care of myself and taking care of my children.





Posted by on Apr 10, 2012 in Faith | 0 comments


In a recent conversation with God, I was talking over, crying over, some of the the things I’ve seen happen lately to basically good, honest people that I just can’t make much sense of right now.  These things, I didn’t really know they could happen to people who had good motives in their hearts, who wanted to help other people, who tried to do the right thing.

I found myself saying, “God, I just never knew the world could crucify a person for things they didn’t do.”

Stunned silence.  How did I not know that?  It’s the story of Jesus…

God sent His only Son to save humanity.  Jesus spent His time on earth healing the sick, raising the dead, loving the hurting.  His good deeds and grand motives were unmatched.  He was perfect, He loved perfectly, He lived perfectly.  And yet the world crucified Him.  For things He didn’t do.

It’s the Easter story.  Ironically, this God conversation took place on Easter.

The thing about the Easter story, though, is the ending.  On Friday Jesus was falsely accused, beaten, betrayed, humiliated, killed.  On Saturday He lay lifeless in a tomb, all the promises He thought he held for His life seemingly dead with Him.  But on Sunday the greatest story ever of resurrection, healing, redemption came to pass.

If Jesus, in His total perfection, was falsely accused and suffered loss to the point of death, why are we so often surprised when we, in our total imperfection, face trials and suffering?  When we see people around us suffering and grieving?  I think it’s because we forget the progression of the greatest story in history.  Ultimately Jesus fulfilled His destiny, overcame death and hell, and saved humanity.  But He was crucified first.  He transitioned through death and the surrender of everything life held for Him first.  AND THEN HE ROSE.

If you’re in a Friday season of dying, or a Saturday season in between dying and overcoming, remember the Sunday resurrection.



Posted by on Apr 9, 2012 in Bug & Bear, Marriage & Family | 6 comments









Here are my favorites, enjoying a family day ~ I love these people the most



My Bug ~ full of joy, loves adventure, fearless




My Bear ~ cautious but confident, super smart, determined




Husband and Bug ~ she's a daddy's girl, he's the best daddy




Husband and Bear ~ she thinks he's hilarious




Mommy and Bear ~ this one's a momma's girl 🙂





Mommy and Bug ~ this girl's got personality, she makes me laugh all the time



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