Vicious Cycle

Posted by on Jun 21, 2012 in Bug & Bear, Mental Health | 5 comments

Vicious Cycle

I swear it feels like 1000 times a day I watch this scene unfold before my eyes…

Bug, running, screaming: “Stop chasing me!”

Bear, running, laughing: “Hahahahaha”

Bug, running, screaming, breaking into hysterical sobs: “STOP CHASING ME!!!”

Bear, running, laughing maniacally: “HAHAHAHA!!!”

And so it goes, round and round in circles, over and over and over. Repeat.

It’s a frustrating scene for all involved. Poor Bear thinks its all a big game, and an insanely fun one at that. Poor Bug can not understand, despite my repeated attempts to explain, that running away only fuels Bear to keep going because the more Bug runs, the more it seems like a game of chase. Poor me, no matter how hard I try to throw reason into the mix, I’m powerless to stop this vicious cycle of chase from hell. It will only stop for good if Bug just stops running, just stops doing what looks to Bear like playing along.

The whole scene is enough to drive a mama to the edge. It makes me a little nuts. But today it also made me think.

How many times do we engage in this same vicious cycle in our relationships? Someone is doing something that we desperately want them to stop, we keep trying to get them to stop, but then we simultaneously act in a way, probably without realizing it, that encourages them to keep going. Instead of extracting ourselves from the vicious cycle, getting out of the game, and no longer playing along, we just keep running and screaming, all the while sending a covert message to the other person that we are, in fact, playing their game.

The thing is, when Bug stops running, Bear can’t play chase anymore. The game is over, and Bear very quickly loses interest and moves on to something else. Bug’s unwillingness to react to Bear quickly brings the whole cycle to a stop.

Too bad Bug doesn’t really get this, and large chunks of our day continue to be occupied with hell chase. She’ll get it some day. The good news is, I got it today, identified a few people from whom I will quietly disengage, and decided to refrain from reacting to irritating games. And then I had a glass of wine to soothe my frayed nerves.

 

 

 

5 Comments

  1. I loved this!! So true … I need to examine bug/bear chase in my life and disengage! 🙂

    • Thanks, Tamara! So glad to hear from you, wish we could catch up in person!

      • Me too :). Love reading your blog. If we ever travel down South again, we will definitely have to catch up. 🙂

  2. I can not find you on Twitter.
    Best regards, Ron

    • Ron, I’m still working on setting up a Twitter account. Thank you for reminding me its on my to do list! And thanks for reading 🙂

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